Archive for February, 2010

Oh Phoooooey!

Sunday, 14 February 10

I am trying to resuscitate my blog. I’m not exactly in the right frame of mind to write, so bear with me. I’m going to re-post something I wrote on my Facebook page. I wrote it 2 months ago, but I still feel the same way. Sigh. Here it goes…

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I’m uncomfortable with words at the moment. It’s been a while since I’ve last sat down and properly confronted them. My brain feels like alphabet soup and I have to fish for letters and string them into words one by one. They slip and slide and off they go—plonk!—back into the cesspool of garbled odds and ends. Sisyphus had it easy.

What a lonely business this is, of constructing words. It’s just you and 26 letters with gazillion permutations and combinations and no coherent way of verbalizing your thoughts. Almost too much happens these days and it gets harder to look back on them in words. Life and people move on and you are still stuck between a vowel and a consonant, a verb and a pronoun, hopelessly trying to make sense of what had been, is, are, and will be. It’s a maddening, migraine inducing chore that you alone feel the need to get done.

My brain is mush and I still hang on. What else is there to do? Life—at least mine—comes in clusters, a constellation of chaos, of blissful solitude, of bleak plateaus, of moments when you can hardly catch your breath, and of seconds splitting bit by itty bit at a snail’s pace—pfffffoooooo! So I always oblige myself to jumpstart my head before the pendulum begins to swing again.

None of this makes sense, really. It never does. So I wait it out. Maybe in the coming days some semblance of order will come again and I can remain unperturbed in the company of words.

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Oh, by the way, Happy Year of the Tiger! 恭喜发财! Kung Hei Fat Choi (“Congratulations and be prosperous”)! That’s the reason why I wanted to write again. Happy new year! ;-)