Archive for April, 2009

End of an affair redux

Monday, 20 April 09

Smoking is such a strange, filthy habit. I smoked for 9 years, gave it up for 5, then picked it up again for six months, off for seven, and on again, and then off again. You get the picture? It’s a monumental struggle for such a simple thing and I’m really, REALLY getting tired of it. There are over a million reasons why I should quit—aside from (obvious) medical reasons, I am also tired of losing my sense of smell, of reeking of eau de cigarette, of torturing friends with second hand smoke, of feeling disappointed and frustrated with myself, and of feeling out of breath after doing 2 sun salutations—and yet I choose to light up again and again. Ooooh… the rush of blood to my head. Why oh why do I always go back to the things that are bad for me?

Cutting down never worked for me. I’m an all or nothing kind of gal. Nicotine patches and gums would probably drive me insane. I don’t want any replacements. I want to stop and I want to stop now. So going cold turkey is the way to go. I’d probably go mad anyway, but at least I’d be chemical free and I’d have fun torturing the people around me. You’ve been warned!!! HAHAHAHA.

It all goes down to making a decision and exercising a bit of self control and having some sense of self preservation, which I badly need these days anyway. Letting go and knowing when to quit was never easy for me, but I am going to give it another go. Hey, I might learn something this time around.

I pick tomorrow as D-Day. April 21… Rome was founded by Romulus and Remus on that day (that was centuries ago, it went through rough patches, but it’s still standing and incredibly fabulous!), it’s Robert Smith’s birthday (I still adore him. I’m listening to “In between Days”: Yesterday I got so old, I felt like I could die, Yesterday I got so old, It made me want to cry, Go on go on, Just walk away, Your choice is made, Go on go on, And disappear, Go on go on, Away from here. Purrrfect.), and it’s the death anniversary of Pierre Abélard, one of history’s most controversial and famous lovers (since I’m ending my epic love affair with nicotine, it’s certainly apt to quit on the day he passed away from this world, no?).

I’m stocking up on painkillers and candies and chocolate, and I’d probably go out and get a new yoga mat and a pair of swanky running shoes. I need some pampering after all this psychological self-flagellation! I really, really deserve better than this. Enough fighting. It’s time to let go and breathe easy.

PS. I’m re-posting an entry from my blog from 2005. See what a struggle this is! That was another good day to quit…


The End of an Affair

24 November 2005

That’s it. I’ve had enough. I’m dumping Mr. Marlboro Man for good. I’ve been giving this a lot thought lately and today looks like the perfect time to do it. It’s Thanksgiving. Not that I celebrate it, but I think it’s a good date to mark the event. I can thank all the Marlboros, Winstons, Amsterdams, Drums, and Golden Virginias that have passed through my life all these years (in their light, dark, medium incarnations… there have been many) and tell them it’s been fun but I want to move on now. I just hope this would be an amicable parting so that they would never come back to nag me again. I should have done this during Halloween—putting things to rest and all, plus, I could have incinerated a giant effigy of a cigarette!—but this is as good a holiday as it gets to kick the habit. I’m doing this cold turkey. Thanksgiving… turkeys. Ha-ha. Funny. This makes it easier for me to remember this day and remind me of what I am doing.

I actually had my last one already. I found a perfect, pristine white Rizzla filter tucked away in one of my purses a couple of days ago. I didn’t use it right away because I thought I should find a special occasion for it. So before the clock struck 12 last night I stepped outside and rolled my final cigarette. A fitting ritual through and through. I sucked it till its very stained filter all the while exhaling with intention. I urged the tendrils of smoke to reach the Waning Moon so that she could hear my prayer. She was the perfect moon to have around. She would fade into the Dark Moon in a week, hopefully bringing with her the remnants of this bad habit.

I can hear Ben Folds Five in the background, “She’s a brick and I’m drowning slowly. Off the coast and I’m headed nowhere.” A fitting song for my dysfunctional relationship with tobacco. We’ve had good times together, but now he’s become a real drag. And I want out. I know this will be very difficult to do but I need to stop right now. I deserve better. And I really can’t afford to liquefy any of my remaining brain cells.

I still haven’t gone bonkers yet. Well, it has only been around 18 hours. I’m finding it hard to concentrate and I feel a bit abandoned, but I am basically okay. Ask me again in 3 days and it will be a different story. That’s usually when it starts to hit me. Believe me, I’ve done this before. GARGH, breaking up is really hard to do.


The Art Garden Workshops in Marikina (April 18-May 21)

Sunday, 5 April 09


Fellow artist Katti Sta. Ana and I will be conducting art workshops from April 18 (Saturday) to May 21 (Thursday) in Marikina. I will teach the Arts and Crafts classes — for children 6 to 10 years old, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays, from 9AM – 12 noon — while Katti will handle the Basic Painting Classes — Painting I for kids 11-15 years old, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays, from 2-5PM and Painting II for 16 years old and above, Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, from 9AM – 12 noon.

Enrollment is going on right now! That’s 15 sessions for 3,500 pesos.

To sign up, please call 934.3363 or email: Classes will be held in Marikina: Elm corner Flamingo Street, New Marikina Subdivision, San Roque, Marikina. Please check the map below to see how to get there. ;)

Please tell your friends about it! Thanks. ;)