I’ve been up and down like mercury the whole weekend. I’m physically exhausted and I am mentally incapable of doing anything constructive, not even to put one foot in front of the other and move on. I’ve been trying to establish order or some kind of pattern within just so I could make sense of everything. I was never really good at this. My spirit growls in hunger and I have no idea how to feed it.

I wish that the weather would cooperate for once. I can’t stand any more of this heat. I feel pan-fried and desiccated and ready to be served up to some god to be consumed and discarded in bits and pieces. I need a massive blizzard to feel uninterrupted again. Now I understand that when an icy heart melts and no one is around or is willing enough to catch it, it goes away forever and leaves an unfathomable, frosty gorge in its stead.

I’m scared of having one of those days again. I still feel inept and pathetically ill-equipped to face another one of those curve balls the Cosmos tries to throw at you when you are not looking. I should have known this would happen. And here I am again, watching teardrops explode and enduring little earthquakes. I’ve seriously underestimated my capacity for feeling. Solitary confinement sounds incredibly logical at this moment.


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