Steph The Sphinx

I feel as if I’ve just opened Pandora’s Box. I don’t think I’ve brought on Armageddon to the World, but I believe I might have brought it on to myself. I don’t think I’ve sicked the Reaper on little old me, but I might have triggered the beginning of an end of something… in my head. I’m sorry; I am suffering from verbal constipation. I can’t get anything out so I am not making any sense here… bleeaarrggghh.

I woke up extremely late today. It was around 13:20 when I finally opened my lids and thought about crawling out of my bed. This is pretty unusual for me because I’ve been habitually waking up at the first sign of sunlight. I even retired early (before midnight)—yet another atypical move on my part since I normally hit the sack at 3ish AM and, therefore, clocking in an average of 3-4 hours of sleep per night. What’s even more remarkable is that this is the 2nd time this happened to me in the last five days!

Ok, my body was bound to crash at some point (with 3 hours of sleep per night? Hello, I’m no spring chicken anymore!), but I think it’s more than that; this may be an aftershock of the unlocking of my personal Pandora’s Box. I still can’t give you a full account of that incident… I don’t even know if I ever will… which is making this entry a bit of a cryptic mess and making this whole blogging thing next to impossible for me. I don’t want to talk about it, but I feel the need to tiptoe around it and see if I could make sense of what happened.

It transpired last Monday—that much I can say. I’ve been going through a bumpy patch in my life lately and was sinking deeper and deeper into the quagmire of my dark thoughts. I was in desperate need of a reprieve so I took the lifeline that was dangled in front of me by a complete stranger. I went with the flow and threw all my doubts and Cynic Steph out the window. It was taxing in every level you could think of, but I’d like to think that that little adventure into the unknown paid off. I felt alive and was giddy and excited and enthusiastic about my life again.

I am still riding that wave of euphoria—still buoyant and thrilled about the possibilities, but I think part of me is starting to grow dim once more. I feel desolate and hopeful at the same time. Is that even possible? Does that make sense? I just want to turn off my head and sleep. I’m exhausted from pushing and pushing… Maybe my body is telling me to regenerate, to hibernate for a bit, to stop fighting and resisting. I know I am far from untangling myself from the Box, but I’d like to think that I’m finally on my way to breaking away from it or even obliterating it. I still don’t know when I’m finally going to reach escape velocity (how can I when my body feels like a ton of bricks), but I’d like to think that it is well within my reach already. I hope I don’t miss it though by being too worried about it.

Again… does any of this make sense to you? *Sigh* I’m channeling the Sphinx with great passion; I’m spewing more and more questions and riddles than solutions. Oh, and I am so ready to slay the unfortunate wayfarers who come my way who cannot give me the correct answers! HAHAHA! At least I feel passion for something again! Teeheehee. Ayayay… What a conundrum, eh!


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One Response to “Steph The Sphinx”

  1. kelvin Says:

    Artists do have mixed feelings of emptiness and preoccupation of something, perhaps a new creation. But that’s okay. In my Spiritualy Page blog, I also wrote things that troubled me. Thanks for sharing.

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