Delayed spring cleaning

There’s something in the stars or the air right now that is making me want to throw everything out the window and start my life on a clean slate. Maybe this could also be the lingering effects of the influence of last week’s blue moon on my mood. Sigh. Well, whatever it is, I am itching for a change.

  • I want to fly away and build another nest for myself.
  • I love my accessories, but I am tired of using the same beads over and over again. I want to keep making wire jewelry like this one:

Wire Necktie by Steph

  • I love making sculptures, but I want to do more! I want to make installations with videos, lights, sounds, etcetera, etcetera.
  • I love my laptop, but now I want this or this.
  • I’ve quit smoking so many times. I want this to be last time I do it. I don’t want to keep destroying myself in order to create.
  • I want to eat healthy and live longer so I can make more art, art, and ART!
  • I want to be able to sleep again.
  • I want to keep focused on what I really want for myself, to hold on to the future I envisioned, and believe that my intuition knows what is right for me so I should listen and heed to its warnings and advice.
  • I want to stay true to myself even it means being seen as a jerk, bitch, or coward. What do they know about my life anyway?

I want, I want, I want… So many things to do, to say, to work out, to clean out, to dump. I want everything to be clear again, get all the cobwebs out of my system, the static out of my head, and all the extra garnishing off of my system. I’ve gone through this a hundred million times before… I KNOW what to do, I know what is right for me and what I should avoid… why do I keep making the same mistakes? Why do I worry about the same things?

AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH.

My life has been a little bit of a circus of late–fun, colorful, entertaining, and educational, but also confusing, distracting, and freakish. I just want to get my bearings back and make sense of this upside down world. I’m screening all of my thoughts, my files, my works… I don’t want to get sucked into something that’s not right for me or get carried away by all the excitement and fanciful colors. Something isn’t right here. I need some time to take a deep breath and just be.

Bottom line is, I just want to see, to believe in, and remain Steph again. I miss that little nutter.

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