Time’s Up

My programme begins today in London and I am still here in Manila. I didn’t reach my goal so I had to defer school (again) for another year.

I haven’t really had time to have a nervous breakdown yet. Maybe I’ll have one at the end of the month when I’ve finished all of my projects for January. Maybe I won’t have one till June. I don’t really know. Maybe I won’t have one anymore because my life has been one emotional roller coaster ride since I found out that I got into Chelsea and Central Saint Martins. I’ve had mini anxiety attacks along the way—too may to count and to recall when and where they occurred—so to have one right now would be a tad anticlimactic.

I must admit, though, that I am surprised that I am still in one piece and that my life has moved on smoothly. I thought that if I were to find myself still stuck here in Manila in January that I would slit my throat. I am not even close to doing that; I don’t feel such a loser after all. Things have been going pretty well, actually. When I finally sent the email to the school about my decision to defer, I actually felt relieved that it was all over. I still want to go to school, mind you, but at least now I know that I am not going this semester. It’s shitty news, but at least I am not in Limbo anymore. I got tired of keeping the shadows company.

Now that I’ve loosened my hold on my dream, other doors have been opening for me. Maybe there is another way to get there. Let’s just wait and see.

I would like to thank everyone who has helped me–the strangers who donated to Paper Crane Project, old friends who stayed with me even when I became incredibly annoying and insufferable, and the new ones who believed even though they barely knew me. Don’t worry, I am still going to work on my project until it is completed. All our efforts have not been wasted. And I am not giving up hope. I have been given a full year to prepare for school. A lot of things could happen in 365 days, right? You bet I am going to make to most of this time! :)

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