Life is Elsewhere

Forgive me for using Milan’s Kundera’s words. I have no idea what I am going to write, but I felt like using his title for this post. I just feel like it, I guess… that life is elsewhere.

Faith is such a fragile thing. I was thinking about that today. All the remembering the dead and sifting through the past is making me slightly unhinged. The act of communing with the spirits is turning me into this smoky, shadowy, indistinct being. Talk about having boundary issues or the lack of it. But I digress…

Faith. That was what I was thinking about today. It means so much to so many people. Like me, for example, I am not religious but it still plays a big part in my life. I constantly find myself struggling with it, questioning it, and, once in a while, turning my back on it. How do you keep it up? How can anyone keep it up in the face of uncertainty and adversity? That’s why they call it Faith, a friend said. You just have to hold on even if you are not sure of what’s going to happen.

I am, personally, having a problem with it right now. I usually don’t (I’ve done my fair share of leaping into the darkness without a flashlight), but right at this moment, the subject of Faith just exasperates me. It’s not just because of the whole meaning-of-life-thing that is stiflingly present in the air right now, but my gargantuan impatience that is getting the best of me. I, more often than not, choose to cling on to Fate rather than Faith to have some sanity around here. Does that make sense? Fate is so much easier to fathom—it’s Destiny. It’s cut and dried, no room for questions (unless you don’t agree with what you are destined for). As with anything important in life, Faith demands unwavering commitment. Isn’t that what it is anyway? Trust, certitude, and reliance? Faith is confidence and confidence in something or somebody even if are uncertain of that thing or person or being. But with Fate, you KNOW that it will come to pass because it was written out for you.

But then again, they are not mutually exclusive and believing in one does not prohibit the other. Are they or don’t they? Don’t you need a certain amount of faith to believe in Fate and trust in fate to have Faith? Or you don’t need to have Faith to accept Fate and you don’t need to know your Fate to have faith.

Okay, this is definitely going nowhere. I have neither a point to argue nor an ending to go to. I am only successful in confusing myself and clouding my mind with even more nonsense. It’s the 1st of November. I am suffering from Halloween hangover (too much candles and heady incense), so my head is not in its right place. I am rambling like a foolish old kook! Ah, the restless souls have taken over the building.

Like I said when I started this post, I have no idea what I am writing about here. I am just befuddled by life and I always get the feeling that it is found elsewhere. Maybe it is, maybe it’s not, but right now, I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind to decide that.

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